With the Lockdown being relaxed and social distancing measures in place in response to the novel virus, many of us have a lot more time on our hands, while also being isolated.
This may also mean you’re feeling loneliness more intensely than you’ve ever before.
This is a good thing! Challenges can help us to understand ourselves on a much deeper level than we would have if we weren’t challenged because our feelings are more intense.
Loneliness is not new. It was around long before COVID-19, and it will be here long after this phase of isolation passes which will. So, whether you’re used to feeling lonely, or if it’s something new for you, this is an opportunity to connect to your heart, learn and grow. But first you need to understand the true source of your loneliness.
Alone vs. Lonely
Some of us can be on our own and feel very comfortable and peaceful, I do, while others feel lonely when they’re by themselves. Then there are people who feel alone and lonely even when they’re with friends or surrounded by people.
There’s a big difference between being alone and feeling lonely.
Being alone is simply being on your own.
Feeling lonely is your experience, which can happen regardless of whether you’re on your own or not.
What is loneliness
Loneliness is an unpleasant emotional response to perceived isolation. It could b a social pain, a psychological mechanism which motivates individuals to seek social connections. It is often associated with an unwanted lack of connection and intimacy.
As a subjective emotion, loneliness can be felt even when surrounded by other people; one who feels lonely, is lonely. The causes of loneliness are varied. They include social, mental, emotional, and environmental factors.
Loneliness can be found even in marriages along with other strong relationships, and those with successful careers. Most people experience loneliness at some points in their lives, and some feel it very often. As a short term emotion, loneliness can be beneficial; it encourages the strengthening of relationships. Chronic loneliness on the other hand is widely considered harmful, with numerous reviews and meta-studies concluding it is a significant risk factor for poor mental and physical health outcomes.
You might feel lonely because you feel like you have no one to talk to, or no one understands you, because you feel different to everyone else. I resonate with that!
You might feel lonely because you deeply desire to connect with other people, even if just to be invovled in a group discussion but maybe it feels emotionally unsafe to do so. You are afraid of being judged, again You’ve seen how people can treat each other, or you’ve been hurt before, so now you’re not sure if you can trust people. I’ve been there!.
Maybe you want to have deep and meaningful conversations with people, but all you get is shallow everyday chit chat. Yes, thatis pissing, you’re trying to connect with someone, but you feel alone because there’s no sense of connection.
I’ve often wished people would either speak from their heart or just enjoy the silence.
Maybe you’re very sensitive to other people’s energy, but the only way you currently know how to manage it and feel safe is to be on your own, even though you crave connection.
Or maybe you feel left out because the people around you all like the same things, but you don’t.
Connection, and Fitting In
Growing up, when many of my friends and the people I knew were starting to drink, and party, I really did feel alone.
I loved music The one that excited me the most was just the instumentals, I listen to it when I read, the dynamism, intensity, and flow really brought something out of me.
A friend intoduced me to a reading app and the competitive reading pattern brought a sense of connection that also touched my heart.
But for me there was a split. I felt this sense of connection when am on my own even when reading, but then there was a loneliness that came after. Because I didn’t care for any of the usual outdoor activities. I much preferred to stay home relax and watch a movie.
So even when I did go out, I still felt alone because I just couldn’t connect on this level. But then I had to accept that I just preferred time on my own, but it didn’t stop that feeling of occasional loneliness.
The interesting thing about feeling lonely is that you’re not alone in feeling it. Even though it might feel like that for you, it’s a common experience that touches most people’s life at some point.
Loneliness and Disconnection
When we experience loneliness, it’s only possible because of an underlying feeling of disconnection. We often associate loneliness with being disconnected from other people, which is true, but to understand loneliness, we need to realize that it all starts with how disconnected we are from ourselves.
When I’d come home after a long day and am invited out, I prefer making excuses and staying home I’d feel lonely because some part of me wanted to maintain that feeling of connection with my friends. Part of me wanted to be able to do what they wanted to do, but at the same time part of me had no desire to do it.
As long as I judged myself for not going out with them, I’d feel lonely. I wasn’t accepting myself, which created a feeling of disconnection inside me.
But as I came to accept that I was different, and I liked time on my own and a quiet night at home, the feeling of loneliness started to fade away. This self-acceptance got me out of my head and back into my heart, where I could feel a peacefulness start to emerge as I simply enjoyed my quiet night stretching or watching a movie without any self-judgment.
This wasn’t one incredible moment of realization after which I never felt lonely again. It was a gradual process. There were times when I’d come home while my friends went out, where I’d still feel that familiar loneliness return.
But I’d gained an understanding of why I felt lonely—a disconnection from myself through a lack of self-acceptance. In times when the feeling of loneliness would return, if I’d come back to being present with myself the loneliness would again fade.
When I reflect on this time in my life, I always find it fascinating to realize that my friends never judged me for not wanting to go out. I was always welcome to join them. They’d accepted me for who I was. It was only me who didn’t accept me, and that was a source of disconnection and loneliness.
Finding Connection
This doesn’t mean am a sadist or a loner. No. Yes, I can feel very at peace on my own, but I also love connecting with people. But in a different environment
I love having deep conversations.(am a talkative) I love connecting and getting to know people. If I’m talking to you, I want to know who you are. I have a never-ending curiosity to understand what makes people who they are, and a sensitivity to feel others’ pain.
And then when we encounter other people and have an opportunity to connect, we might not even be able to be present with them because we’re still caught up in our heads, judging ourselves and our experiences.
When we feel more present and accepting of ourselves, we can also feel a wanting to connect with others, but now there’s an openness in our heart.
Our heart is the part of us that feels connection. Connection to our self—the essence of who we truly are, beyond the dramas and stories that fill our mind—and connection to other people, animals, nature, and creation.
When we’re present and connected to our heart, we might be peacefully content on our own, or we may be inspired to go and connect with people. We don’t have to feel lonely to want to connect with people. The goal is to allow choices like these to flow from our heart.
If you’ve been through challenging or traumatic life situations that have left you feeling broken, ashamed, or otherwise disconnected from yourself, it’s possible you have a harder time connecting to your heart. That’s okay.
It’s also possible you have a hard time connecting with other people, perhaps because you’ve never felt a sense of belonging, and you live in a constant state of judgment and insecurity. That’s okay too.
If you start by creating a connection to yourself, it will be much easier to connect with others, and in the times when you’re on your own you won’t feel that same overwhelming sense of loneliness.
What can you do to connect with yourself when you’re feeling lonely?
Meditate
Meditation teaches us how to find a space of quiet inside our self. A simple stillness and acceptance.
We don’t realize the heavy burden and the impact of our thoughts and self-judgments until we have a moment of inner quiet. In the quiet we can comprehend the burden we carried because by contrast it’s not there.
The quiet relief brings an opening in the heart and a feeling of connection. But remember, it does take practice (like learning any other skill).
Follow the feeling
Take time to just sit quietly and be present with your loneliness. No judgment. Just feeling it.
If your mind wanders into thoughts, stories, emotional reactions, or dramas, just acknowledge that and bring your awareness back to the feeling of loneliness. This is where the practice of meditation is so valuable, because it teaches you the skill of how to simply be present.
If you can allow yourself to consciously feel and be present with the feeling of loneliness (not wallow in it), you’ll learn more about the source of your loneliness. It may not always be comfortable, but it’s about being present and accepting of what is actually there for you.
Be curious
With all that you do, approach it with an attitude of non-judgmental curiosity. This helps ensure you won’t be too serious or hard on yourself. Curiosity makes things more enjoyable.
And remember, you’re not alone!
Read
Reading is the complex cognitive process of decoding symbols to derive meaning. It is a form of language processing.
Success in this process is measured as reading comprehension. Reading is a means for language acquisition, communication, and sharing information and ideas.
The symbols are typically visual (written or printed. Like all languages, it is a complex interaction between text and reader, shaped by prior knowledge, experiences, attitude, and the language community—which is culturally and socially situated. Readers use a variety of reading strategies to decode (to translate symbols into sounds or visual representations of speech) and comprehend. Readers may use context clues to identify the meaning of unknown words. Readers integrate the words they have read into their existing framework of knowledge.
Reading may be used for at school or work, incidentally during everyday life activities (such as reading the instructions in a cooking recipe), or for pleasure. Read for your pleasure, don't drown in your loneliness
There are tonnes of apps on your phone that can help you here, am a fan of stories, read stories on your cell phone and before you know it you are done.
Skills
Skill acquisition is important, digital marketing, graphic designing, website designing, do you know you can learn this for free, you can learn all this for free on Google and you will get your certificate at the end of the day.
No one knows when this pandemic will end.
Don't feel lonely.
You are not alone!
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